L'examen

Today - the examination.

Feeling a little uneasy, and in need of a relaxing way to wind down the evening after that three hour, two word bender I had last night I decided to watch some TV.  Netflix doesn't work, hulu doesn't work, so (coming to a solution) I decided to see what iTunes had in store.  Luckily for me after a quick search I found just the kind of thing I was looking for - and it was free.  The pilot episode of Fairly Legal.  Sigh.  Oh, USA Network, how your shows are all the same and yet so easy to indulge upon.  What would I do with all my free time without you?  Read?  Ha!  As if.  Thoughts on the show: Who wears outfits like that to work?  The only place a skirt like that is even fairly legal is on a street corner.  Now, I know that's not fair, and women have all the right in the world to dress as they want, and I'm not saying she didn't look good, but that's hardly a suitable outfit for the workplace.  The male equivalent of that skirt would be a man showing up to work in nothing more than biker shorts and a fishnet tank top (who's not a bike messenger or a stay at home pervert).  Plus, for all the running around she seems to do you'd think she would invest in some more realistic footwear.  But I digress.  I found the show absolutely pleasing and more than a little enjoyable.  Mom, you should start watching this show, and Anna and Emily so should you if you already haven't (Anna).  Strong, smart woman with a heart of gold, dresses to kill (or should I say suffocate her own thighs) and an ex-husband that is easy on the eyes.  Plus, there's personal drama and a sassy assistant named Leo who Anna will love (his hair and his sass).
After that, still thinking about this test, I did some research online to try and figure out what it was going to be like.  I found several placement tests and tried them out myself.  I did so so on the Oxford one (that is to say I got it half right) and there was one by some other English school that I scored lower intermediate on, which felt about right if not a little generous.  I mean how far can you get only just barely understanding one tense?
Went to bed and slept in till 10, thinking I didn't have to be at the Sorbonne till 11:45 (according to my little green ticket I got yesterday).  My first (almost full) nights rest.

By the way, that whole thing I said about the French having managed to stop people from hoping turnstiles (hard plastic justice and all that) was apparently a load of crap as I learned today.  As I was going through the turnstiles a man next to me kindly demonstrated that if you just climb up on top of the whole turnstile you can get over the gate on the other side fairly easily.  The more you know....

Got off at the Luxembourg stop.  My school is right by the parthenon, so I picked up a sandwich from a street vender (ham and cheese (or should I say best ham and cheese I've ever had)) and sat in a park nearby for a bit to eat, checking out the parthenon from where I sat.  A quick check of my watch told me it was already 11:30, and I figured it couldn't hurt to show up a little early, so I went in to the Sorbonne.  Bit of luck.
As I strolled in with a cool aloof air that is reserved only for people who have no idea what is going on I did not realize that I had completely imagined that whole 11:45 business and in fact I was supposed to arrive between 11 and 11:30 (aloof indeed), and had just made the cut-off.
I walked up to a man, handed him my ticket, and he handed me a card to fill out my information on asking if I was something something something or nouveau.  I knew nouveau meant new so I said "nouveau", but I'm still not sure what I was blindly admitting to or even if I said the right thing.  My guess was he was asking me if I was a new student or a returning student, which is why I said new.  But who knows.  He pointed to a set of chairs that were all but filled up (one seat left) and I sat down.  I filled out my card (name, place of birth, etc) and waited.
The thing is I wasn't sure what I was waiting for.  I knew the test wasn't in that building, and as far as I knew I had already paid for and was enrolled in classes, not real, physical classes mind you but hypothetical ones.  Still, like I said, I was confused.  I waited for thirty minutes as the line slowly moved forward.  Every once in a while someone would come out and usher in a couple of people at a time and I was getting ever closer to the front.  I noticed that every one spoke either French or Spanish fluently or as their native language, which was giving me the impression that I may have entered into the most advanced French class in the world or I was in the wrong line.  This isn't exactly true.  There was one other person near the front of the line that I overheard speaking American English, but all she did was mutter the F word to herself the entire time, and when it got to be her turn to go in she tried to pawn her turn off to the French girl next to her.  This was oddly comforting.  Until that point I had felt a knot growing in my stomach that can only be explained as fear (I remember thinking "The last time I felt this nervous was before going into court"), but after seeing some one who seemed worse off than me I calmed down.  Calmed down enough in fact that once I progressed around the corner I noticed a sign that read something like this (in English):

If you have already payed your fees in full you can proceed directly to room E1.

I looked around and there was E1, a nearly empty room except for a couple of genial looking secretary types sitting behind desks and sipping espresso.  I looked around a corner and flagged down the man who had been directing the line forward and asked him about the sign.  I explained that I had already paid all my fees, and so (with doubt written all over his face) he took me to room E1.
What did I find out?  No test.  Nope, gotta come back Monday.  All of that and no dice.  I did however get my picture taken by the nice lady behind the desk and she gave me my student ID (trés cool) and gave me a bunch of papers all in French that I have decided to set about translating tonight.  She didn't speak English super well so we spoke (as seems to be the proceeder now-a-days) in a little bit of both languages.
After that I headed north up to Notre Dame and followed some steps down to the Seine.  The weather wasn't too bad so I sat down and took out The Savage Detectives and read for about forty, fifty minutes, or however long it takes for your butt to go numb with cold.  Got up, found my way back to Chȃtelet and took the métro home.

The sun goes down in two hours and Père Lachaise will close.  I haven't been in yet, so I think I'll take the opportunity to do so now.  Seems like a good idea, go visit some dead people and whatnot.  I mean they are in my backyard.

Sorry, to leave you with all of this suspense.  I know how you're all dying to know how I do on this test. Well, I guess you'll just have to wait.  Until then, start taking bets - Advanced is a long-shot it's 1-100, but I wouldn't put money on it, Intermediate Advanced is a little better 1-50 (if it's a standardized test then there's the option of a fluke), Intermediate 1-20, Beginner 1-5, and Absolute Beginner 1-2.  I know some of you are thinking hey that kid's an Absolute Beginner I'm going to make some sweet cash, but don't count me out of being just a plain ol' Beginner.  Remember I did score a Lower Intermediate on that online test.  For those dreamers out there you better not even play, cause let's be real.  It's going to be one of those two.  We should all just be pushing for mediocre embarrassment as opposed to absolute.

(Oh, and if are you looking to cash in your winnings should your answer be right, just send an invoice out to Columbia College of Chicago, because they have all my money)



Bonne Journée